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What Helped?

Jun 20, 2008
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After about six days of severe internet connection issues and blowing out one ear drum (I listen to music far, far too loud sometimes), I finally have decided to start bringing internet back around in my life. I am not quite yet talking to everyone nor making a presence as I don't feel like being around everyone. I do however feel like blogging.

I literally spent the weeks following the break up in a huge web of just unbelievable sadness. I moped around my house and was barely eating, which by all accounts was not good for my health. I wasn't listening to music and I wouldn't talk to anyone or accept phone calls. It was like I was in mourning. It was also very theraputic. I needed that sadness and I needed to embrace it to get back to where I was on the road to being healthy again. In the midst of so much drama with the audit and the sickness constantly and the moving back and forth with the job - something needed to give and at the worst possible time...pretty much everything did. It was borderline tragic. But then something great happened. Some people who I really needed but pushed away, decided to push back and I got tired of being sad. Suddenly I could listen to my music again and I could smile and I found myself laughing at some insane things. Suddenly it started being okay to be here and not have him around, and all the bad things would resolve themselves in their own time.

So where am I now? I'm listening to Kenny Chesney because I am on a country music kick and I'm in Photoshop working and creating, and the audit thing is coming up soon (Cross my fingers) - and I get to fly out for a few job interviews in the next month or so.

As for he and I. Well, I still talk to him - and now, finally, I can do it without breaking out into tears within 5 minutes - mostly because there were issues we both had and although the undoing was mine in the end, it is what it is. Will we be friends? I don't know if I want that or I want to be that - I love him, but seeing him with someone else or knowing about it would be far too painful right now. Although I dunno..some of the things he said in our last conversation make me think ya know, maybe it wouldn't be. Especially if he's this cold. But he's a good man and for better or worse, this is what it is. - Moving on now. Now though, I am going to go walk my dogs and do my things, and I'll post a new creation later ;-)

Love, Mock.